A Bedtime Story and A Reflection on Surrender

The Myth of Tyr and Fenrir

With Bonus Reflection on Surrender

“Tyr and Fenrir” by John Bauer (1911)

The Myth

In the pantheon of the Norse gods, Tyr was the god of law and heroic glory, often associated with warfare. But in this story, his honor and bravery take center stage.

Fenrir, on the other hand, was no ordinary wolf. He was the progeny of the trickster god Loki and a giantess named Angrboda. From birth, Fenrir was an enormous beast, growing at an alarming rate. The gods, having heard prophecies that Fenrir would bring about great calamity and play a key role in Ragnarok - the end of the world, decided to keep him in Asgard, their realm, where they could watch over him.

The gods amused Fenrir and kept him occupied by challenging him to break various chains, presenting it as a game to showcase his strength. Fenrir, filled with youthful pride, always broke free, his strength astonishing and terrifying the gods.

As Fenrir continued to grow and his strength increased, the gods decided they needed a plan to bind him. They commissioned the dwarves, the greatest smiths and craftsmen in the nine realms, to forge a chain that could not be broken. This chain, Gleipnir, was as thin as a silken ribbon but was magically imbued to be stronger than any chain before it. It was made from six impossible things: the sound of a cat's footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, the sinews of a bear, the breath of a fish, and the spittle of a bird.

The gods challenged Fenrir to break Gleipnir, but the wolf was suspicious. He had noticed that this bond was different from the ones before it. Fenrir agreed to the challenge, but only if one of the gods would put their hand in his mouth as a pledge of good faith. If the gods were being deceitful, Fenrir would take the hand as his due.

This was a dangerous wager. The gods looked amongst themselves, and only Tyr was brave enough to step forward. He placed his right hand, his sword hand, in Fenrir's jaws.

The gods bound Fenrir with Gleipnir, but when Fenrir struggled, the ribbon only became stronger. Realizing he had been tricked, Fenrir snapped his jaws shut, severing Tyr's hand.

But Tyr did not flinch or cry out, showing the unflinching bravery that defines a warrior. He sacrificed his hand for the safety of the gods and the nine realms.

The gods left Fenrir bound, where he remains until Ragnarok. And Tyr? He remained a revered god, a symbol of sacrifice, law, and honor, even though he was left one-handed. The tale of Tyr and Fenrir reminds us that bravery sometimes lies not in victory, but in what one is willing to give up for the greater good. 

On Surrender 

The concept of surrender in recovery may initially evoke feelings of defeat, but this need not be the case. To fully understand why, it is crucial to grasp the two key aspects of surrender: to give oneself over to something or to cease fighting against it.

At first glance, ceasing to fight may seem like an admission of defeat. However, this perception changes when we consider the broader picture that recovery paints. If we view our lives as an ongoing campaign rather than a singular battle, we can adopt a strategic perspective. This way, we cease to fight against our addiction, accepting it instead, which enables us to concentrate our energies on recovery. This shift in focus is similar to a tactical retreat on a battlefield, giving up one fortified position to secure a superior one elsewhere. It's an acceptance of a minor defeat to secure a larger victory.

In recovery circles, there's often talk about surrendering to addiction. However, doing so would be akin to walking into a trap. What we should surrender to - or, more accurately, commit to - is recovery. This commitment could involve a dedicated program, a supportive group, or your Higher Power, whatever that may mean for you.

In the process, the spiritual principles of Honesty, Open-Mindedness, and Willingness should guide us.

Heathen Virtues

In my personal journey of recovery, I've found the Heathen virtues to be instrumental:

Courage: The ability to face fear, danger, uncertainty, and intimidation.

Truth: The commitment to honesty and reliability in dealings with others and the pursuit of truth in all its forms.

Honor: Upholding one's word and maintaining personal integrity.

Fidelity: Expressing loyalty to family, friends, kin, and honoring the bonds of relationships.

Discipline: Exercising control over one's behavior and actions.

Hospitality: Extending generosity and friendliness to guests.

Self-Reliance: Accepting responsibility for oneself and one's actions.

Industriousness: Demonstrating diligence and hard work.

Perseverance: Persisting in a course of action despite facing obstacles.

These virtues have been pillars of support throughout my recovery.

Hail the Gods

Honor to the Aesir and the Vanir.

'Til Valhalla, friends.

Quick Update

NASWG Step 2 is now live!

Happy Stepping. 

Understanding Relationships: The Role and Implications of Trauma Bonding in Military Environments

"Trauma creates change you don't choose. Healing creates change you do choose." - Michele Rosenthal

Introduction

Let's dive into the complexities and nuance of interpersonal connections with the first post in our series on understanding relationships. Today's topic focuses on trauma bonding, an often-overlooked but crucial phenomenon, especially in high-stress environments like the military.

What is Trauma Bonding?

Trauma bonding is a powerful emotional bond between two people. It is typically formed in situations characterized by inconsistent reinforcement periods of intense positivity followed by extreme negativity or even abuse. This intense, shared experience creates a bond that is nearly impossible to break. 

Trauma Bonding in Military Environments

The military is an environment of high stress and adversity, where individuals' lives may depend on the bonds they form with their comrades. This unique environment can foster trauma bonding as servicemen and women face severe stressors such as physical danger, separation from family, and witnessing or experiencing violence.

These shared traumatic experiences often result in incredibly strong emotional connections among military personnel, bonding them in ways few can comprehend. While these bonds can serve a positive function—providing support, camaraderie, and a deep sense of understanding—they can also lead to a form of dependency that makes it difficult for individuals to adjust once they're out of the traumatic situation.

Effects on Relationships

Trauma-bonding relationships can have long-lasting effects. On the one hand, they can foster strong friendships and support networks that help manage traumatic experiences. However, the intensity of these bonds can also lead to negative outcomes.

Dependence and Isolation: An individual may become emotionally dependent on their trauma-bonded partner, isolating them from others and making them feel disconnected if separated from that individual.

Struggles in Civilian Life: Soldiers returning from active duty may struggle to connect with civilian friends and family members who haven't experienced the same trauma, making reintegration into society challenging.

Emotional Turbulence: The inconsistent reinforcement involved in trauma bonding can result in emotional turbulence, leading to mental health issues like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, and anxiety.

Healing from Trauma Bonding

The path to healing from trauma bonding involves several steps:

Awareness: Recognizing the signs of trauma bonding is the first crucial step. Understand the features of this bond, such as an over-reliance on a specific individual or feeling isolated from others.

Professional Help: Therapists or counsellors trained in trauma can provide the necessary tools and strategies to process traumatic experiences and address the unhealthy aspects of the bond.

Support Networks: Cultivate relationships outside of the trauma bond. Reach out to family and old friends, and seek new connections as well. These relationships can provide a broader perspective and reduce dependence on a single bond.

Self-Care: Prioritize physical health and mental well-being. Exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness activities can help manage stress and promote healing.

Healthy Relationship Skills: Practice active listening, assertive communication, setting boundaries, and mutual respect in all your relationships.

Conclusion

Trauma bonding in military environments underscores the complexities of relationships under extreme stress. Recognizing these bonds, understanding their implications, and taking steps toward healing are crucial for individuals affected by them. Remember, it's okay to seek help and take the time to heal. Join us for the next post in our series as we continue to explore relationships and their factors.

Sacred Time: Insights from Marcus Aurelius for Self-Care in Recovery

Delacroix, E. (1844). The Last Words of Emperor Marcus Aurelius [Painting]. Musée des Beaux-Arts de Lyon.

Introduction

Sacred time is a beautiful concept, deeply rooted in the philosophies of Stoicism, most notably championed by the Roman Emperor and philosopher, Marcus Aurelius. This idea of sacred time has immense potential to be applied to our modern understanding of self-care, particularly for those on a journey of recovery. But what does sacred time really mean, and how can we leverage it to nurture and heal ourselves?

Sacred time, as understood through the Stoic lens, refers to a purposeful and deliberate allocation of time for introspection, self-reflection, and contemplation. For Marcus Aurelius, it was a dedicated period for him to write his thoughts, often in the quiet hours of dawn or late at night, which later came to be known as his Meditations. It was this precious period of solitude and tranquillity where he could connect with his inner self and navigate the complexities of his thoughts and emotions.

In the context of self-care during recovery, whether it's from addiction, illness, or emotional trauma, the idea of sacred time can be a powerful tool. Like Marcus Aurelius, dedicating a specific period each day for introspection and self-reflection can aid significantly in the healing process.

Here's how to cultivate and leverage sacred time in the journey toward recovery:

1. Understand the Importance of Sacred Time:

The first step is to comprehend the importance of sacred time. In the whirlwind of recovery, there might be chaos, confusion, and emotional turbulence. A dedicated period for self-reflection can help us understand our emotions, and triggers, and progress better. It's a time to sit with ourselves, honestly and openly, acknowledging our struggles and celebrating our victories.

2. Establish a Ritual:

Setting a routine can be therapeutic in itself. Choose a specific time of the day that works best for you - it could be early in the morning or late at night, just like Marcus Aurelius. During this time, engage in introspective activities. It could be writing, meditating, or simply sitting quietly in contemplation. The goal is not to distract yourself but to connect deeper with your inner self.

3. Use Writing as a Tool:

Marcus Aurelius used writing as a tool for introspection, which can be incredibly therapeutic. It allows you to express emotions, concerns, and thoughts that you might find difficult to articulate verbally. Journaling your thoughts and feelings can help you track your progress, recognize patterns and triggers, and explore solutions.

4. Practice Mindfulness:

Sacred time is all about being present, and mindful of the current moment. It's about observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment, just as they are. Mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can help cultivate a sense of inner peace and balance.

5. Seek Wisdom:

During your sacred time, you may also choose to read and learn from the wisdom of others. The insights from Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, or Seneca can provide guidance and perspective on handling adversities and nurturing resilience.

Conclusion

Sacred time, thus, is about creating a sanctuary within yourself, a refuge where you can confront and embrace your truth. It's about nurturing a compassionate relationship with yourself, and acknowledging that the path to recovery may be challenging, but you are not alone in your journey.

According to Marcus Aurelius, our minds hold the power, not external events. By understanding this, we can discover our inner strength. Incorporating meaningful moments into our lives can aid in this process, leading to overall healing and restoration. The key is recognizing our obstacles, fostering our ability to overcome them, and ultimately granting ourselves the kindness and support we need.